Restarting this blog as at this point in my life I definitely have some stuff to share. I hope, whichever way this goes it will help some people out there in some way. I will also continue to give you hints into my artistic world as I work on projects.
So lets begin… (I will go into each point in time deeper but right now lets just get things generalized and out in the open).
I have been sitting on my laurels, not really doing what I needed to do; for years. Complacency, grief, not knowing where to begin. Who knows. But now I know I am ready.. why this sudden change of heart, of the way of seeing the world? There is a new spark to my thinking and my life… one I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but is at the very least driving me forward to build a flame of passionate creativity..
My health is in jeopardy. To put it mildly.
The day after Independence Day this past summer I started throwing up blood clots. We went to the emergency room and I ended up staying in the hospital for four days as they got me stable and ran various tests, which would of taken way longer had I not stayed. I was diagnosed with cancer. Its stage 4 lung cancer, a rare type called ALK, which is a blessing in disguise. The genetic disorder was quiet in my body ever since I was born, and maybe even before. But the ‘allergies’ and odd health issues I had to deal with for the past few years were all in conjunction with this; we just didn’t know it until those clots came up.
This is the easiest of lung cancers to treat. It affects non smokers (I had never smoked in my life, except that one clove cigarette I shared with my Mom ages ago). They have several TKI meds, inhibitors that attack the very source of this disease. I am on Alecensa (Alectinib) right now and it seems to be working, happily without side effects. This gives me a chance to live decades if everything works out the way I hope.
I also have breast cancer, which apparently is very common for ALK patients to get, and that may of spread to my bones, which was a minor problem.
The main problem they have been working on was a large mass on my lung that was wrapping around my pulmonary artery, giving me a chronic cough and leading me to losing my voice. (If you had watched my last few youtube videos I talk about being voiceless.) I’m still pretty hoarse but its very much improved.
So, this past week I got a PET scan. And the results were astounding. Not only did the mass shrink, but there is no active cancer in my lung or liver, head or neck! So the meds are working.
I am going to have a lumpectomy in a week or so, to get rid of the main source of the breast cancer. And then they will look into the bone issue. My work has been very supportive and I am grateful to them.
So, because of all this, my mortality has been pulled to the forefront. I am not going to be around forever and don’t have time to sit around contemplating project I never finish. My goal is to get as far in my projects as possible, and if I live longer I will come up with other projects and adventures. My guides seem to think I have decades but I don’t want to be on my death bed wondering what if, and kicking myself for not doing what I have been put on this earth to do. Honestly my Moms death should of woken me up to this, but I just fell into such grief I didn’t notice.
And so it must begin now.. by any means necessary…
No, some of my family does not know of this situation and diagnosis. And I want to keep it that way. But they do not follow my blog and the most important of them not to know is not even online in any capacity.
So, I will blog here.. to get out my experiences and story.. as I do have things to say creatively.. and want to do so before its too late. This is an adventure, to navigate illness and fight off cancer. And there will be others.. the other night I saw an inspiring concert that helped the spark that i am building into a fire.
This is a new world for me, and I hope to share what I learn on my journey. Feel free to ask questions and i will include them in my posts. I am also a certified Grief Facilitator and know what goes into the psychology of all of this to.. its weighing heavily on me.
Have a wonderful day.. and do not take your time on this earth for granted.
~Sophia B.
wickedlydrivenmedia.com 