Life can be rude, strange, off kilter, joyous, exhilarating, and terrifying. One can get so caught up in the day to day that they do not see the bigger picture. These past two weeks I have been given the chance to step back and really look at where I am, where I’ve been, and where I want to go.
When all of these upcoming upheavals first hit me my instinct was run to get ahead of the changing world. Move right now, sell everything NOW, make more money YESTERDAY, plan now, so that last week I know what the hell I’m doing! AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH. That, with the suddenly other added responsibilities I through on myself destroyed my energy, my drive, and my hope for the future.
When I do this. And yes, I have done this before… (when will I ever learn. sigh). My body shut down and got sick. And last weekend that is exactly what happened. It forced me to rest and rethink everything coming at me. And so, I have made some changes. I will not move on anyone else’s timeline then my own. Meaning I will not rush to move when I have an opportunity to rent a place because of the fear of not finding something else down the road. I will not try to compete with people already where I want to be buying up all the houses there. It will happen when it is meant to. I will not force myself to get into yet another work situation in which I am miserable, kills my creativity and drive. I won’t try to sell everything out right. but take the time to really do all this right.
I’m calmer now, at peace, and looking forward to my next adventure. I know where I want to be, and in time I will be there. The pandemic is not helping the situation and is slowing my progress out of caution. This is the time to create and form a new life and a new identity for myself and I am up early, ready to tackle this. One week to go on a job that has stifled my true nature of creativity and kept me from living the life that I want. one week to go… The past week was filled with terror, exhilaration, realization, and tears… who knows what will happen this week but I am looking forward to the connections with the coworkers I never wanted to abandon, even though how miserable I was.
There is so much going on; this is just a small update to let you know, dear reader, I am okay.. and have regained sanity and clarity.
Onward.
SB@2021
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