I had a planned a lot for this year. Massive changes and forward progress, adventures and challenges. All of it got thrown out when the pandemic hit. At first I thought maybe I can continue my outside life when this is over.. surely by summer. Summer came and working at home became normal, as well as excessive use of masks and hand sanitizer. We bought colorful masks to make things a little more bearable and upped our cooking game. Summer turned to Fall, and the hope of doing anything I had planned this year died with the first fall of the leaves.
I considered other massive changes I could undertake and found myself thwarted in different ways. Still, I pressed on, hoping to move forward on something, anything. I began some books and some projects, things I need to get out of my soul and off my chest. I poured my heart into the making of some videos for that college I work for, as well as worked on my other duties. Other people seemed to be moving forward in some ways regardless of the pandemic and I wondered how. My friend is immune compromised and I have a lung issue from when I was sick as a child a long time ago, so the idea of getting this illness is not something I wanted, even if that meant not moving on just yet and rethinking everything I wanted in my life. A family member tried to help, by suggesting that I didn’t have to be such a great success that I have always wanted.. which instead of helping truly hurt me. I am still striving for that, and realized I haven’t tried hard enough.
After numerous meditations and thoughts on this dilemma I came to the conclusion that I should go with the flow, and let the ease of things dictate the future. I am still working on things but if I find a wall I will now try to find the gate through that wall, instead of going straight through it or over it.
My birthday arrived, quite a significant one. Really this year has robbed me of time and adventures and I want 2021 to be a place I can try and get that back. I am overwhelmed with the idea of being as old as I am now, and what I want in my life and what I have and what I lack. So I am turning to the projects that I have been waiting patiently for my attention. ECHO needs completion and marketing, SawTooth Peak Productions is always on my mind.. and my Mom’s art work has got to get out, even for now if its on social media. I have added several more photos of her work under Art Curation link. Check them out if you want to.
Me… I’m cleaning up a bit, and focussing.. it might be good for me to disappear into characters and worlds that are not this one for a time. More coming soon as I want this website to be a place to share these musings and the forward action I’m taking.
More soon.
~Sophie Badeaux @2020
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