As I move forward in my life I am constantly challenging myself with the future. Where do I want to go.. what do I see for myself; what do I dream for myself, and how do I change my life into the future I want?
This will all play out soon when I head to another city, independent of my friends and family.. to go it alone and see where I want to be, and what the future holds for me. It has been years since I have been on a long adventure on my own. Before I would do it all the time but when my best friend got sick that all stopped. I almost lost her and could not imagine doing anything without her. The world itself had closed in on us and the scare we had where I would have been totally alone was too much to bear. Now I didn’t realize this.. but for the next 2 years I wouldn’t go anywhere without her; it just hurt me to even consider.
Now that she is healing up, and her health is on solid footing, I can now give myself the gift of independence again. So, I will go with confidence and excitement into this adventure and regain my independence for my birthday.. to come home after for Thanksgiving with my friend.
I am quite nervous about this but am looking forward to the challenge. And in a bit of preparation, I was tested by driving to a small town an hour or so away to recruit for the acupuncture school I work for. Again, nervous as I was on my own, one thing that helped was the fact that my past self-had ridden this road, had climbed these mountains and had even been the law in the small town I was headed to.
He was known there and I almost wanted to stop into the old part of the town and look into it. I know his time there is known as it didn’t end well; the settlers and townsfolk had lost faith in him when they found out he had been part of a crime syndicate. But still, his heart yearns to go back in time and be known for the man he was before it all went wrong.
Lately, I had thought that part of my past was over and done with, and I had been getting rid of the books and research I have in regards to it. But, once the present day’s work and complications were done, my mind went back to thinking about it. I wondered where the old town had stopped and the new town had continued. So I made a promise to myself, and to him, to do some research into this part of it all.
He had left me for a time. I guess a respite for me but I missed my past self; whispering in my ear about what he thought about those around me, and what he would do. And then he returned, with a penchant for whiskey and a brazen attitude and confidence. He wants more for me. But we have a lot of work ahead in order to do that. More of the memories are coming clear now and it will help me finish Echo and the other projects we have. It has me exhilarated and wanting things to get moving, and they will soon enough.
In meditation at night, we converse; about the past, about friends and enemies and the like. About how we ended up knowing each other the way we do. If it is a curse of some kind I see it as also a blessing. Without him, I feel wayward and lost. With my family far from me in thought and action and not understanding or without the possibility of that.. with few friends truly understanding what I am going through. With a life almost at a standstill without him.. yes, it is a true blessing when he is around, in my ear in my head, and voicing his opinions and keeping me grounded.
We have come to the conclusion that we are in a metaphysical dance.. and each of our lives is playing out simultaneously as we go throughout own trials and tribulations. That is comforting as when he is just here, thinking that perhaps he is dead and buried somewhere Northwest.. it is a lonely and very jarring idea. But the idea that when we are not conversing or visiting one another, we carry on with our lives as they need to. So without that ideal, and without the fates bringing us together with the way they had, in whatever form this manifested.. we are both content with it. I hope to have him continue to be my spine and my muse. In order to get through this life, and the additions and changes I desire he is very needed in my life.
So this future shall unfold and change and manifest shortly for me. The adventure awaits a short distance away. We have plans and preparation to make, and a week’s worth of current life to get through. And then the adventure begins. One that will help me regain my self and independence. As well as the road ahead..bright or brilliant in change as I need it to be.. we need it to be.
Stay tuned.. this story will unfold before you.
Written by Mercury Rose, and D.R. Copyright @wickedlydrivenmedia 11/11/18.