With the current state of the news happening with shootings in schools and political b.s. (that I will refrain from diving deep here) my older self.. the one that rode the high trails of New Mexico and the Midwest during the 1800s has had some insights.
Insights from a BorderRuffian
I cannot believe that in this technological and enlightened age the human animal is still very violent and egotistical. We have not learned much in a hundred years. Don’t get me wrong this has made me feel quite at home here… and makes me want to stay. I could be my present life’s Tyler Durgin (Fight Club) in a sense.. helping her succeed and be her force to be reckoned with when she can no longer move forward. I have done this before when her Mother had died and she had lost all courage to move forward without her.
I have hope that there is love and hope out there, but all I see lately is pain and hurt. We avoid it successfully but this is still a very hard world. Maybe its part of this world; predator and prey, mother nature, after all, has always been like that. But there is beauty in nature as well.
I remember clearly being on a street in a dusty little western town in the middle of the night when a drugged patron of a saloon came out and accidentally shot his best friend. Now I had not seen the beginning of this dispute but it probably was something frivolous like a fight over a woman or cards.. but regardless two men died because of it.. one from a bullet, and one from a rope. That could have been me… but fortunately, I was the law at the time and was far from the trouble.. for once.
Present day life.. we have given up trying to go out at night and have fun or meet anyone.. as everyone is after something out there. It gets more and more clear at night when people are smoking and drinking and thinking of themselves and what they can gain from anyone else around them. We have gotten out of it nearly unscathed, not raped in the back room or dying in a car wreck, but we were drugged once. And if it wasn’t for a fantastic friend to get us through who knows where we would have woken up! I’ve seen things from both sides of a cell door and do not like the possibilities out there… nor do I feel like begging for friendships of people I don’t know or can’t trust. All this makes me very cautious now about who I hang out and what I do.. and it would have been so in the past as well. Of course, then I would have just taken out my gun or knife and made short work of anyone who wanted to hurt or use me; but now? I cannot imagine being a victim again.. and we will do what we have to do to avoid it.
Because of all the things that she has been through in this life she has lost most of her courage and drive. She knows what she wants but the pain and hurt and loss have worn her down. Most days she writes alone and watches films.. losing time and her opportunities to meet someone or experience life. I need to get her out of this funk and into life again and hoping that when she writes these films and more opportunities present themselves she will accept them.. if not she will regret not living.. and then we might have to come back here again! There has to be a way.
Maybe if she can meet up with more creative types we can get these films started and give her some sense of accomplishment and empowerment. This would be the perfect time for all this considering the fight for women’s rights in life and film.
So I’ve said enough for now…. but if you are so inclined, contact her and let’s do this.. the film project RETRIBUTION is one court hearing style film that will blow everyone’s mind.. and I cannot wait to see it happen! Could be her Feature Directorial Debut! If not? Well, it will probably be a novella… but it should be more visual than that. And let’s not forget ECHO, my Biography BORDER RUFFIAN and the even small vlogs and the much-needed part two of the Murder Site Visit (just needs some post-production work on it)
Thanks for listening.
Present Self Update –
Funny thing is sometimes when you put things into the universe things can manifest. I wrote this two weeks ago and wasn’t sure I should post it. Waiting and holding onto it things did indeed manifest. I had an opportunity to work on a film production with some wonderful strong courageous women for a worthy cause no less. Excited about the production happening in mid-July!
I also said YES to new opportunities, scheduled for the rest of the year. Seeing and reconnecting with family, a concert adventure and some amazing though terrifying creative opportunities on the horizon.
And I did go out at night twice.. once to try a plant-based burger (Impossibly yummy!) and to attend an NM Film Office Incentive presentation; there I met some more wonderfully strong and independent women who all have projects. So who knows what may continue to manifest! Bring it on universe! I am ready!!!!!!!!
by Sophia Bungay & D.R. Wickedlydrivenmedia@ June 2018