What we all are in.
The winds that have hit the state of New Mexico lately has stirred up a lot of dust and a lot of anxiety.. as well as helped me see the truth in a lot of what I am feeling.
I have had a crazy time as of late. My work at a college has been in full swing and I have thrown myself into it. But at the same time, I still want more. I don’t want to be there forever. And my creative side is gearing up for something big. Echo and other projects are on my mind and so are the mini-docs series I have in the editing bay right now. And on top of that my genetic artist in me, given to me by both my parents.. is rearing its head and making me yearn for the tactile feel of working with paint and canvas.
Emotionally I have come to some conclusions about this life.. I wish that the family I had around me growing up was still intact. That the lie of us all being blood and that’s all that mattered would last forever… but that is not the case. When you grow up you lose that sense of belonging and have to move forward alone.
I have given up on the hope and dream of having a closeness to the family; at least not now… perhaps in the future. I tried and felt very lost and betrayed by some of the most trusted.. Some are still here and will continue to be in my life and I will continue to reach out to them.. sending them care and love as they go through their own events…. family and friends included that have been there for me and continue to do so.
I am also focussing everything I have on my life and what I want it to become. To hell with all this b.s. of wanting to belong.. so what?! We are all alone in truth, in alone in chaos and it is only up to ourselves to trust our instincts and get through the chaos of life. We all have trials and tribulations that no one else can understand and so we must gather our own strength and go at it alone. Maybe I can add more fellow creators, family, and friends to the list of trusted advisors in my life as we move forward.. actually, that is my greatest dream. (In fact, I am hoping writing all this down will help me clear it out of my system so I can move forward)
So, for now, I am focussing on the creative side of myself, and the minimizing project that T and I plan to complete this summer. There will be a lot of blogs, vlogs, and videos to come.. as well as a book and a feature! Very excited about these things. And at some point, I will need to gather some film people together to help these projects blow up and become. But for now, I shall plod along, outlining what I am envisioning.
Filmmakers, artists, and creators I have met lately btw.. this is a call for you to contact me… I have some fantastical projects to be involved in.. so let me know!!!!!!!
Chaos is this world. I believe some things are very clear. And most of us are trying to just to get through as well as to understand the what and whys underneath everything. Perhaps I am in still in some heavy grief that I will never shake.. maybe that in itself will make my art deeper and more meaningful then it would have been otherwise.
My reason for being in New Mexico is to get to the bottom of something that has been bugging me for quite some time..to change and to evolve. If I can figure these things out and understand it, then I can move on.
Thank you for reading this…
S.Bungay @wickedlydriven 4/20/18