(This was written stream of consciousness at 5am, three weeks ago. I feel as though it is important as I went through this process. I am still in this state, but a little less so… you will see in the coming blogs what has come to pass)
I hadn’t blogged in a while. After that extremely intense month with the producers workshop and the dental surgery, I felt off kilter. Then, my days at the college got brutal as we finally had figured out the program for Spring, including a residential program with one online course. Since I am the Admissions Director as well as the web support my hands and head have been quite busy.. up to my neck in work.
But as I came out of the work week, which included an inspirational website building seminar with Nina Pilgrim from 4leet, I wanted to get started on my true passions again. A little movement at this time is better then none.
There is a lot of work to do to that end and I am trying to wrap my head around it. As I am dealing with characters and continuously having to come up with material for Echo and my own personal blog. As a writer/ creator you define who your characters are and at the same time they define you.
I feel as though I am in a chrysalis bubble, something like an alien egg, or something Lady Gaga may come out on stage in, dressed in a nude body suit. I am sleeping more in a meditative like trance, looking at the world as it is and what it has become; sometimes wondering if this is real and why awe are putting ourselves through this. And who am I really in this scenario?
I do think the world is opening wounds and exposing disgusting infections (sexual harassment, war, politics, hatred, bigotry, et al) in order to heal and grow. I have faith that things will be clearer in the future, but what if this is a pattern that we are in, going ground and round forever? I sure as hell hope not.
And then, on top of all this, and wanting to shut the world out, I see past friends, living completely different lives then me. Are they daft, so simple minded that they can be happy making stupid movies no one will ever like or care for.. or breeding incessantly to the point that Mother nature cries out for help!? Or leaving their literal past self behind that they can’t acknowledge a friend who they went through so much with, because that would make the world a confusing and complicated? Or did he simply give up. (this was before evidence came to light pointing him out to be the fraud that he is; more on that later.)
I lie in my chrysalis, all these thoughts and more going through my head, and trying not to scream. Regardless, soon I will burst forth from this safety as the person I am meant to be; struggling away from not knowing myself and towards what I truly believe and know who I am deep down… and, just maybe, see the world the way it is meant to be.
by Sophia Bungay