So I had a revelation these past few weeks. Two things that I was absolutely terrified to do came up in my life. And instead of running away and hiding under my covers with my cats.. I faced the issues head on.
The first was my film career. I have always wanted to pursue this. As I grew up in the art world, but surrounded by Hollywood it beconed to me. But after several productions of working like a dog for other peoples ideals and projects I didn’t think the worker bee type mentality was for me. Faced with this problem I began writing. Now I had been told throughout my childhood that I had a gift for writing.. so that’s what I wanted to pursue.. And then my Mom died and everything frivolous went out the window in my mind. I couldn’t think of anything that silly as wanting to be in the ‘industry.’
It has taken years, but I have healed somewhat, and my desire to be part of that far reaching medium came rushing back to me. So I went back to school, started writing and producing, and started this blog and other content you see on this website.
I went to various seminars, gatherings, networking events etc,… and they all provided me with some information. But the main thing was it was the same info, with no traction, no momentum.
So I was a bit reluctant to go to a producers workshop last month, even though I had heard rave reviews. In fact I kept trying to get out of it after I made the reservation. So I made a bargain with myself. If the information he gave was the same old stuff I had been hearing for years, and if there was no jolt of electricity in this workshop to get my butt moving on my passion.. then I would give it up. Toss all my books, write novels or short stories for the screenplays and films I had in my head, and get on with my life.
So sure I was on this bet and so adamant that I would stick to the result that I was sick to my stomach the night before, didn’t sleep at all and was way too early to the event.
Luckily for my passion, this workshop gave me sparklers, electricity and fire to my butt and my passion lives. He even started the workshop by asking why we haven’t made features yet.. was fear one of the reasons… I nearly broke down into tears!
I am now convinced I can do this.. and even more so convinced I can do this and make a living solely off of this. So it begins! The world is wide open, I have been getting a lot of creative momentum going at the same time that I am minimizing.. which makes for amazing energy cycles.. and I am raring to go. I have a plan for next year and am excited about the prospects all this will bring. Already I have seen changes in my life!
( I should and will write a review about this workshop shortly.)
The next thing is that I am terrified of doctors and dentists. And for a year and a half I found out something had to be done with my jaw and teeth and I was freaking out… yes… for a year and a half. What was I afraid of? Pain, anxiety of the pain, loss of teeth, loss of jaw bone, loss of self esteem, loss of self…. ?!
So much so I let it go to the point something had to be done asap. So I made the arrangements and last week went into dental surgery…. Um… what the heal was that mountain of fear for? The mole hill was a completely numbed side of my face and weird noises, which I stemmed with turning Jack White louder and louder in my ear buds to calm my nerves. I had high blood pressure going in.. 124/94 and coming out of it… 117/74. Calmness and reassurance that his burly bear of a dentist knew what he was doing and his confidence helped me. Sure when I went home to recuperate there was some pain, but not at all what I had been expecting.. So that is one FEAR episode that I will not let happen ever again… Wow…
(I should write a review of them also, and will do so soon).
So what does all this mean? That FEAR is absolutely what it is says…. False Evidence Appearing Real. Both of these huge mountains I went over were slight bumps in my road. A road that now has better health and an outlet for my passion for film and media. I have been biting smaller bullets and getting minimizing down to an art form at home, and not being afraid to be me.. my true self. What does that mean? Head shots, things accomplished, things gained.. and a whole new perspective on the world.
Don’t let fear.. keep you from doing the things you should do, or are meant to do… life is too short for that nonsense.
by Sophia Bungay @wickedlydrivenmedia.com October 12,2017