(Conceived & Written February 18th-25th.. part of the meditation during a flu virus battle)
Who are we? How do we define ourselves? Are we an amalgamation of who our parents are, who our family is, if we had siblings or not, what our genetic traits are, what our knowledge is, our lifetime experiences, who we know; or is it something much more than that?
Years ago I went out to music venues in town, single, yearning to be a part of something. Through those adventures I met some lovely people, and made some acquaintances, but nothing true. Most of the time I felt like a lone wolf, wanting to be a part of something bigger, but not really fitting into it (whether it be dancing, drinking, or other.) The desire for something more kept at it until I didn’t know myself anymore; to a point that I woke up in situations where I was completely lost, not recognizing the world or myself in it. And as I lost myself to this yearning I realized it was the same loss I felt of my own identity and life when I gone through similar loss and thus growth years earlier.
So I turned away from that path, concentrated on education and work, focussing on regaining a new me. And it worked, and I have moved forward.
A few weeks ago I started going out to music venues again, for the social aspect as well as a need to hear some good tunes. In the meantime part of myself had re-emerged to give me vital confidence and a purpose that keeps me going.
With all of this new claimed identity and self confidence came a new longing for adventure. To walk through these situations and truly know who I was and what I was aiming to gain from each and every encounter; It felt great to have this much knowledge in myself and I hope it continues. (Actually ECHO project is helping it come together even more so.)
Through this I was unaware that the other night I had gotten someone’s attention.. and met someone of similar interest, and desire, to spend time with me. I have yet to see where this leads but look forward to the possibilities.
We, this new compadre, and I, went out the other night, and ran into some people I had known before. But now they were looking at me differently.. instead of this lone wolf, sitting at the bar alone, I was part of something… does pairing up or giving into a social grouping make one look different to the others in the vicinity? It was quite a revelation. That some of them were three sheets to the wind doesn’t matter. They were having fun, and, will always be a part of the social scene here. But it was nice to be acknowledged none the less.
Self identity is what you choose to affect you, choose to let in, choose to believe – in yourself; what makes you, you.
And self identity can go past this world, this life, and into the next or what was before. Whatever your experiences/ beliefs are.
Whatever affects you, or whichever to chose to let affect you, shall create your personality, who you are perceived by to the world.
So at present… I am (insert Breakfast Club ending Monologue )
Just kidding… sort of…
I am Artist-daughter/ Lizard King Goddaughter/ Horse woman/ Historian/ Flapper girl/ Border ruffian/ Writer/ Filmmaker/ Administrative goddess/ Egyptian priestess/ Art collector/ Friend & Pal/ Loner/ Confidant/ Chef/ Music lover/ Movie enthusiast/ Liberal/ etc… toting high goals that wickedly driven and a equal amount of self esteem. / I am all that and more….
So who are you?